a f r a i d . Of leaving a job that’s been good to me — two of them, actually. Of not finding a new job in Richmond, and not being able to pay the bills. Of not finding my place, or, more accurately, not finding people that become as dear to me as the one I’ll leave. Of failing to harvest cilantro from my guacamole/salsa garden box. Of wearing myself out before I even spend one night in my new apartment. Of running out of time for everything — job hunting, enjoying this place, goodbyes. Of new beginnings.
t h a n k f u l . For our new apartment. For kind neighbors, whose sweet welcomes over the fence make me forget that half my life is in boxes inside and I have no comfortable place to sit. For Roxie, and the way she makes me laugh and the ways I know she loves me. For 90s music, and for singing it as loud as I can. For Al, who laughs with me at the 90s and who doesn’t roll his eyes when I sing at the top of my lungs. For my dear and generous family. For loving someone who is so worth it. For Charlottesville and the experience I’ve had here. For being closer to some and further away from others that I miss, and for knowing that they’ll all still be there no matter where they are. For sweet tea. For fresh vegetables from my parents’ garden, and for the zucchini plants that love their new home in my city backyard garden box. For new beginnings.
I needed this image today. Serene, beautiful, expansive — a reminder.
Visit J online.
Carbon Leaf makes me think of a long time ago. I remember when we used to see them in tiny downtown Richmond venues for $5. I remember when we used to get mad when they played “18 and up” nights, because that meant we couldn’t go.
I remember when the five of us all started crying our eyes out when “Changeless” was used in our senior video. We sat on the floor, in the front of the auditorium, wondering if we’d miss the smile of the best friend sitting beside us. I feel blessed that I still see those beautiful smiles on a remarkably regular basis, and when geography is an issue, I can hear them on the phone. :)
And now, I go with Al to a (much more expensive) concert of that same band I fell in love with years ago, and he is a good boyfriend and listens for the fortieth time to my story about when I first heard Carbon Leaf and about how sappy I was in high school.
It used to be that every song I heard on the radio reminded me of other people, which is sometimes okay. But I think, more than anything, I like to let those songs remind me of myself.
Remind yourself here.
I’m still tired. I can’t help it. I’m not getting enough rest, and I realize it — I just have too much to do! There is work to be done and there are dishes to be washed and there are odds and ends to be packed. All of which will get done eventually, of course — in between the two current jobs and the neverending job search and the dog walking and the dinner-making and the packing. It will get done.
One thing that’s been falling by the wayside while I run around like a chicken with my head cut off is food. I haven’t been cooking nearly as much, and I can feel it. I’ve been on the prowl for quick and healthy snacks (maybe more to come on that later this week), and what I’ve found is fig bars. It sounds crazy, I know, but you’d be surprised how filling two of those bad boys can be. My favorite is this kind. I know there are healthier versions, but I just can’t dig them. I tried the “whole wheat fig bars” that are in the bulk section at Whole Foods at my mom’s suggestion. They were very, er, healthy. Mom loves them, but they were too chunky for me. The texture freaked me out, and you know how I am about that. I found another brand at Martins in Richmond that’s also whole wheat, but they’re the same way. Chunks galore. I guess Pa Newman is going to have to keep doing it for me until I can grow a pair and eat chunky dried fruit as a snack.
Either way, I need to cook more again. The fig bars rock my world, but I don’t think I can live off of them. I’m slacking, and I know it. I’ll redeem myself with a great dinner whenever I have time to go to the grocery store again. Maybe I’ll make time tonight. :)
Cheers, lovelies. Enjoy the sunshine.
Here’s what I did when I heard this song on the way home from Richmond tonight:
1. Immediately laughed at myself for still knowing every word.
2. Thought about high school for a split second, but not longer. I like things better now. :)
3. Turned it up.
4. Sang at the top of my lungs.
It was a good ride.
I’m rejuvenated today – and my garden is planted! Alex built the boxes over the weekend, and I went to our apartment today to plant everything. It was hard work! Here are a few of the stages:
I’m so upset about the blurriness of the last photo — I really wanted you to see all the plants! In the square box I have zucchini and lettuce, and the oblong box is my “guacamole/salsa box,” boasting a tomato plant, a few hot pepper plants, cilantro, and mint.
I’m not really sure what I’m doing, and I didn’t have any help, so who knows how my project will turn out. We’ll see — it’s been fun already! Jen came by to see the finished product this evening, and sharing it with someone made it even better.
The most perfect thing happened as Roxie and I were leaving the apartment. A light rain started falling, just like it was a little shower especially for my newly planted garden. It’s going to be good. I can feel it.
Sweet dreams. :)
There’s something so captivating about rust. About things so old that they make you wonder where they’ve come from, about what they’ve been through. I love this image.
Don’t miss J’s Flickr page.
I am tired. I don’t mean sleepy tired, I mean worn out tired. There’s a difference, you know?
I can barely think for all the thoughts jumbled together.
I can hardly accomplish with the knowledge of all the other things I’m not accomplishing hanging over my head.
I have a lot to do – tomorrow, next week, in the weeks to come.
I will do it. It will get done.
Soon, I won’t be tired anymore.